i remember

when hurricane katrina swept through louisiana, i was there. i spent the night at my mom's house, sleeping on the couch. when we awoke, our lives were changed. we were changed. my sister and her husband had been traveling across the west... they'd reached california when they got the call.

my brother-in-law's cousin had been killed the night before by a drunk driver. she was driving her two sons to the video store when it happened. they boys were ok, but were in the hospital, and were without their mother. my sister and her husband drove home over the next two days, only to find they could not return to their home. the city was blockaded... no one in and no one out.

for days we heard reports of what was happening. it was too scary to be real. death. destruction. destitution. when we finally got power back, we saw it. it was too real to absorb. the places i'd known my whole life were washed beneath the strange salt waters of lake pontchartrain... the superdome was flooded... 2000 people were dead. no one was allowed to go home. so they came to baton rouge.

i volunteered with friends from church to work with a group of children and families who'd been left homeless by the flood waters. it was our task to make them smile again. we played games and told stories and listened to music. but none of us could see past this terrible turn of events. everyone had a story of a relative or a friend who was still missing... an aunt or a son who'd left the city, but whom no one had heard from since. there were lists... lists of people who'd been found.... lists of people who were still missing... and lists of those found lifeless.

a part of me died that week. our town was enveloped in a cloud of distress so dark i thought we'd never see clearly again. hearts heavy and minds twisted like wrought iron gates. these things were not supposed to happen. and yet they did.

when my sister and brother-in-law were finally able to go home 2 months later, they brought with them the two boys. it was a trying time, to say the least. home was no longer a sanctuary. life was no longer innocent. and yet they survived. several months later, the boys' father decided to raise them. they were moved to houston, where they still live today. my sister and her husband moved to a new home. there, they were able to start anew. they were able to build a new life. they were able to focus on growth and the future and move past loss and the past.

she

flashing, spinning, the lights surround her—
faces of those she does not know
faces that seem to say, “you are not good enough”
but I know she is
she is better than most
for me, she is the sun,
the stars, the sky
endless love—childhood jealousies aside.
she is beauty
she is love
she is god’s great gift.
I see her doubts
her fears—
she covers them, filling the silence
with yeah’s and wow’s
smiling against the darkness
I see consuming her…
and I stand paralyzed,
wishing I could just hold her
and let her cry
wishing she’d just let the walls crumble…
the little girl inside
I long to hold.
she is burdened; I am not
and life is not fair, but it is in balance
I understand now why she was so angry…
I see she needs me, but I feel helpless
and let my tears for her fall in silence.


i found a new joy in the katrina children, as we called them, who joined our schools. there was chloe, a bright young ball of energy and emotion, and tommy, the quiet one who wasn't ready to talk about it. they shared their journeys with us and taught us to feel be sad. they helped us mourn. and they encouraged us to grow as they rooted themselves in this new world.

tommy

eyes rubbed red and raw
he hunches over the paper
nervously curling a corner
obviously distracted…
I kneel, eye to red eye
he sees me, I think
he hears me, I think
over the white noise in his mind
questions and answers
barely audible
he’s too distracted
I long to reach out
hold him
take away the pain
but the walls keep me out
he’s lost everything
but he won’t lose himself
strong walls
that will never be breached
so I smile and tell a silly story
and I know he sees me
if only for a moment
then, eyes wide,
he smiles back


it is just over three years later, and i still can't believe it. i am eternally grateful that my sister and family were so far away when katrina came, and i am relieved to know that life has begun again. but i will never forget. i will always remember the night She changed out lives forever.